GIVE ME ATTENTION
It is 1.00 a.m., and Sarah Williams is in the midst of a group of men who are listening with rapt attention as she narrates an incident of how she was cheated while buying jewelry that afternoon. Her husband, Thomas, is standing in a far corner, shaking his head as he sees his wife once again in the spotlight.
It has been five years since they have been married, and every social gathering that they attend always sees the same sequence of events. It is often:
- A late but dramatic entry by Sarah with her husband in tow,
- A period of relative quiet as she assesses the atmosphere, and then
- She starts exhibiting her talents and is always surrounded by people who are mesmerized by how and what she talks about.
Often, there are stories that are made up—some events are exaggerated, some are distorted, and some are outright lies. Yet, she tells them in such an incredulous way that she always wins the admiration of the onlookers. There is a lot of sympathy for her and the way she has been able to “survive” the ordeal she has been describing.
Thomas is utterly helpless, as all the efforts he has made to correct her fall on deaf ears. He is also often a victim, as many details of his private life have been divulged in the utmost naïve manner.
Sarah’s Personality
Sarah has a histrionic personality. She is often uncomfortable in situations where she is not the center of attention and tries to draw attention to herself by being lively, charming, and flirtatious.
Her husband is tired of her self-centered behavior, even though her creativity, energy, and openness are appealing. However, on closer look, she seems to have little interest in intellectual achievement and careful analytic thought.
Her Social Interactions
- Her interaction with even a stranger may be inappropriate and provocative, even though she does not have a romantic interest in him.
- She displays excess emotionality, but it is very shallow and rapidly shifting.
- Warmth is expressed as ardor, sadness as excessive tearfulness or melancholy, and anger as intense rage.
- She is often gregarious and flamboyant.
- She consistently uses her physical appearance to draw attention to herself.
Her Behavioral Traits
- Her speech, though impressionistic, lacks detail.
- She is always hunting for highly valued compliments on her appearance and spends an enormous amount of time on dressing and grooming.
- This colorful display of emotions is often engaging but may appear insincere.
- It is often embarrassing to people who accompany her.
- She is very suggestible and easily influenced by circumstances or other people.
Her Relationships
- The relationships she has are often unstable, shallow, and ungratifying.
- She feels extremely uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of an exaggerated fear of being unable to care for herself.
- She constantly seeks company as a source of care and support.
- She has a tendency to neglect long-term relationships for the excitement of new ones, often leading to marital conflicts.
- She often uses threats to coerce better caregiving.
Her Psychological Struggles
- She has little tolerance for delayed gratification and is easily frustrated.
- She trusts easily and looks for magical solutions to her problems.
- She undervalues the traits and achievements of women while overvaluing the qualities in men.
- She is often unable to tolerate ambivalence and is more likely to be angry or bear sustained feelings of mistreatment.
- She often presents herself as weak and dependent to get the attention she desires.
Sarah & Thomas’ Relationship
- She often voices an inability to make everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others.
- She goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support, as she has difficulty initiating things on her own.
- There is a deep lack of self-confidence in judgment and abilities, superficially covered by a display of motivation and energy.
Thomas’ Role
- Thomas feels he has to assume responsibility for most major areas of her life.
- Sarah has difficulty expressing disagreement with Thomas because of fear of losing his support, yet she does not listen to him either.
- Thomas often feels like he is playing second fiddle to a woman who enjoys the limelight, craves it, but needs him for a supportive role.
Her Behavior in Private vs. Public
- When alone, there is submissive clinging behavior.
- She often subordinates her needs to his, agrees with him, and tries to please him—sometimes to the point of being self-effacing, obsequious, and ingratiating.
- She may sometimes excessively admire his “superior” strength and competence, but only in private.
- Once in the company of others, she almost seems blind to his presence and often makes nasty comments about some quality she had praised just moments ago.
What to Do for Sarah?
