ELDERLY WORRIES

Rameshbhai, 64 years old, a retired clerk from the State Bank of India, is sitting in the living room of his flat, worrying about how he would manage the house next month. He had failed to anticipate the rising costs of living when he took voluntary retirement at the age of 51 years. He had nine years of service left but felt that he would be able to invest the retirement package for a better return. However, the stock market debacles, inflation, the marriage of his three daughters, and the declining returns of his investments have now brought him to a state where he has to worry about his two square meals a day.

The financial worries are just the tip of the iceberg for Rameshbhai. His wife, Vanitaben, and he also face loneliness the whole day. The demands of maintaining the cleanliness of the house are not as much of a concern anymore, as they have stopped caring as much for it. There are hardly any visitors except for their youngest daughter, who is married and lives in the same city, while the other two daughters live in different cities and only visit twice a year. Vanitaben’s declining health also does not allow them to socialize as much. Often, both of them pray for death as an end to this misery.

Rameshbhai and Vanitaben are going through the crisis of their last epoch of life. The successful resolution of this involves a process of life review and achieving a sense of peace and wisdom through coming to terms with how their lives were lived. A successful resolution is characterized by a sense of having lived life well, while a less successful solution would be characterized by feelings that life was too short, that their choices were not wise, and a bitterness that there will never be a chance to live life over. There would be no substitutions for the people who were present in this life. There is an acceptance of responsibility and tolerance of the proximity of death, and the goal is to achieve a detached yet active concern with life.

When the attempt to attain integrity has failed, there may be a deep disgust with the world and contempt for people and society. This disgust masks a fear of death and a sense of despair that time is too short to attempt another life and alternative roads. Rameshbhai and Vanitaben are facing the stresses of aging. There is an empty nest, as their daughters have left for their own journeys in life. There is the loss of a job, physical decline, changes in body image, and the loss of financial resources, social status, and much of their social network. The loss of contemporaries through death and illness brings not only psychological deprivation but also a void that usually remains unfilled.

Forming new friendships is difficult at this age. Physical limitations and the loss of friends are frequently associated with restricted mobility, which leads to further social isolation and increased difficulty in pursuing daily tasks. While strong social support is effective in buffering the effects of stress, the perception of loss of support results in increased vulnerability.

What should Rameshbhai and Vanitaben do?

There has to be an increased sense of inner unity with an increase of good.