Gambling Problems
My husband Vikram, 38 years old, a commerce graduate, has a gambling problem.
He has spent the entire savings that we had on his gambling. He was working as an accountant in a cloth firm but lost his job 4 years back due to his irregularity because of the gambling habit.
He has been gambling from the age of 18 years. Initially, it was just a social activity and on festivals only. It gradually increased, and since the last 10 years, he started going to the gambling dens.
Right now, he finds it irresistible to avoid gambling even though he has to borrow money or sell my ornaments to gamble. He has always lost money but refuses to understand.
We have two children aged 14 and 10 years respectively. I am worried about their education and future. Right now, we live in a joint family, so I do not have to worry about food and shelter, but I am concerned about my children.
Since the last 3 months, Vikram also looks very sad. He has a debt of 6 lacs rupees. He has also started to drink because of the gambling worries.
Please advise me about his gambling habit.
Understanding Vikram’s Gambling Problem
Vikram is a pathological gambler. He fails at resisting the impulse to gamble despite severe and devastating personal, family, and vocational consequences.
The gambling dominates his life to the detriment of social, vocational, material, and family values and commitments. He would be preoccupied with thoughts of gambling, planning his next move, or thinking about getting money to gamble.
- The need to gamble with increasing amounts of money in order to achieve the desired excitement increases.
- He has repeated unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back, or stop gambling.
- He becomes restless or irritable if asked to stop gambling.
- He often gambles to escape from problems or relieve a sad mood when he is feeling helpless, guilty, or worried.
- He has a penchant for chasing losses and returns back after losing to get even.
- He lies to his family members or others to conceal his involvement with gambling.
- He is likely to commit illegal acts to get money for gambling.
The habit has jeopardized his relationships and career opportunities.
Four Phases of Gambling Addiction
- Winning Phase:
A big win stimulates feelings of omnipotence. Sometimes one may have resorted to gambling in order to escape overwhelming problems. Thus, there are two possible motivators for ongoing gambling activity:
- Action seeking, characterized by the big win.
- Escape seeking.
- Losing Phase:
Vikram either has a string of bad luck or begins to find losing intolerable. He then alters his strategy in an attempt to win back everything at once (chasing).
- Debts accrue.
- There is a sense of urgency.
- He attempts to cover up both the behavior and the losses by lies.
- Relationships suffer as he becomes irritable and secretive.
- Desperation Phase:
He engages in illegal and often uncharacteristic ways to obtain money to gamble.
- He may sell off household items.
- He may resort to bad checks to obtain money.
- This then results in sadness and suicidality.
- Hopelessness Phase:
This phase involves an acceptance that losses can never be made good. Nevertheless, gambling may continue with the main motivation of getting excitement. Alcohol use may accelerate this process.
How You Can Help
The approach here involves short-term and long-term goals.
Short-Term Goals:
- Get a stable job with continued abstinence from gambling.
- Help him to avoid gambling altogether. You could take professional help for this.
- Identify the reasons for gambling.
- Provide alternatives for dealing with the excitement that he can get from gambling.
- Address the hope of recouping losses and feelings of omnipotence.
Long-Term Goals:
- Reconnect him with the family from whom he has alienated himself.
- Address his present depression, which may require medications and family support.
- Curtail the use of alcohol to get over feelings of sadness.
Rehabilitation and Support
The main issue would be being able to rehabilitate Vikram in a life free of gambling.
- Many personality issues would need to be addressed.
- He has a dislike for hard work and wants to obtain money quickly.
- He needs to start valuing the relationship he has with you and his role as a father.
- He may have to let go of many dreams of loads of money and what he could do with it.
This may be difficult, but consistent support would definitely help him.
His depression might worsen initially when he realizes the loss of the golden years of youth. However, if gambling is avoided and family support is provided, he may recover.
