The importance of cooperation in marriage
Rahul is a 30 year-old MBA working as a marketing executive in a bank. His wife Mitali, 28, an interior designer from Bombay works from home. Theirs was an arranged marriage and it is 2 years since then. It is Saturday evening and Rahul has come back from office intending to have a nice evening out. First they are unable to decide where to go for dinner and there is a tiff on how Rahul always chooses a restaurant of his taste and Mitali never gets to have a say. Even in the restaurant, Rahul and Mitali are unable to conclude about what dishes to order. Mitali is unable to trust Rahul with the menu as he always orders spicy food while Rahul finds Mitali’s choice a little offbeat. This is a daily routine of disagreements in their marital life. As a result, both of them are in foul mood whenever left with each other and are unable to enjoy their lives.
Rahul and Mitali is a couple that have yet to learn the art of cooperation in marriage. Marriage is a task for 2 people and if there is no trust between them, they will tug against each other and accomplish nothing. Most married couples take physical attraction, companionship and the desire to have children as the manifestation of love while, the most important element is the intimate devotion to the partner; it is a cooperation for the welfare of the two people and welfare of the society in general as well. If one of them wishes to take the lead and do everything by himself/herself, then, even, if the other gives way, it will not be pleasant. They have to use their initiative and make a coordinated effort together. Today there are difficulties and dissensions arising all over the problems of love. Married couples are confronted with them, parents are concerned and the whole of society in involved in them. Rahul and Mitali are probably conditioned more to work alone and less in pairs. Therefore, this new condition presents a problem, but that problem can be easily solved if these two are interested in each other. For this full realization of cooperation between them, each one must be more interested in the other than in himself or herself. This is the best basis on which love and marriage can be successful. This would also breed equality and neither partner would feel subdued or overshadowed. However, this is possible if both the partners have this attitude; each should be making every effort to ease and enrich the life of the other. This is the fundamental guarantee of marriage, the fundamental meaning of happiness in this relationship. It is the feeling that you worthwhile, you cannot be replaced, that your partner needs you, that you behaving well, that you are a good companion and a true friend. It is not possible for a partner in a co-operative task to accept a position of subservience. Two people cannot live together fruitfully if one wishes to rule and force the other to obey. Nobody can endure a position of inferiority without anger and resentment. Partners must be equal, and when people are equal, they will always find a way to settle their difficulties. Occasionally, however, our life has focused too much on individual success. It is then, easy to understand that when there are two people living together in the intimacy marriage demands, any failure in cooperation, in the ability to be concerned about somebody else, will have the gravest results. As most people are experiencing this close relationship for the first time, they are unaccustomed to considering another human being’s interests and aims, desires, hopes and ambitions. They are not prepared for the problems of sharing and that can explain the mistakes made.
What Rahul and Mitali should do is to stop looking for excuses and ways of avoiding responsibility. The companionship of love cannot flourish in the presence of hesitation and doubt. You have to understand that the attitude of your partner towards your marriage is an expression of his life-style; you cannot understand it without understanding the whole individual. It is consistent with all the efforts and aims. Therefore, you will have to work on your marriage and not expect everything to be handed on a plate. Sometimes you may be tempted to think about separation. There may be reasons why you should not live together; but who will decide that? If you have not been able to understand your marriage and have been unable to get out of the individual needs; then even separation is going to be seen as a way of getting something. You may remarry again and again and make the same mistake. A break-up will happen because you are not working as hard as you can to make your marriage a success but merely waiting for success to be handed to you on a plate. It is a mistake to regard love and marriage as ideal state, or the happy ending of a story. It is when you are married, that the possibility of your relationship begins; it is during the marriage that you are faced with the real tasks of life. Of course, all of marriage is not bliss; stormy weather will hit and bring a lot of pain – physical, mental and emotional. There will be a lot of stress and struggle; fear and worry. However, all this seems to be a part of the married life and you cannot get along without experiencing some of it. You will have to understand this reality – and to adjust expectations accordingly – to control your own satisfaction.
