Father’s shadow

I am Shekhar Agrawal, a 30 year old cardiac surgeon. I have recently finished my post-graduation and joined the hospital of my father who is also a reputed cardiac surgeon. He has been a self-made man and achieved this success through sheer hard work and dedication. He has often sacrificed his pleasures for this and even today, he works for about 10-12 hours per day. I have joined his hospital but I feel very frustrated. I feel that I will never get recognition for my efforts. I will always be under my father’s shadow. I also feel that our concepts about work and work being a part of life rather than life itself also clash. I cannot opt out of the hospital as it will collapse otherwise and I also need to protect my inheritance. Please advise.

It seems, Shekhar that your self-esteem is not receiving any boost from the work that you are doing. You have forgotten that you are a professional. As a professional, it is work that should get you recognition. You are now feeling the pressures of having to protect a reputation rather than to pay attention to your work and become better at it. In the hospital, you may find that you often have to be able to control yourself much more than you would have if it had not been for your father’s hospital. You may find that you have to take care of the clinical side as well as academics also. You may also find yourself disadvantaged in comparison to any other young cardiac surgeon who may be able to put himself under a little pressure as the external pressures from him may be similar to yours but the internal pressures are definitely less than yours. You may find that you may have become a trifle anxious about not making a mistake as it could be used as a weapon for maligning your father. You are facing a very common predicament that plagues the children of successful professionals when they have taken up the same profession. Instead of being a profession, it becomes a business and the professional expertise obtained in hospitals is just like an educational degree that helps you in the business. You may find that you are thinking about the hospital management as much as about the cardiac surgeries, henceforth you are combining the roles of two professional into one. The other fact is that you may be constantly pressured by the society to be in competition with your father as they would love to find an equal match to your father’s competency, just to enjoy a malignant moment. So you may unnecessarily find yourself in a position of restraint for the sake of being considered rude. The worst part comes in the form of not being able to share the relationship between a father and a son. There are bound to be differences in the way that both of you think. It is probably very difficult for your father to accept that you are a son and not just an employee of the hospital, whom he can direct as he may wish to. As a result he may end up being stubborn about what he is doing at the hospital. At home, also the hierarchical nature of the hospital relationship may spill over and you may find yourself without a guidance expected from a father otherwise. Due to these reasons you may find that you are frustrated and unable to concentrate on your work as well as feel that you may not be able to get out of your father’s shadow. What you are failing to look at is that this is the price that you are paying for the security of a hospital and ready-made work that is available to you right from day one of your starting your practice. You are paying for not having to go through the difficult days of building a practice. The interventions that you have to do are of the following nature. First of all, you may need to find a mentor apart from your father, who will guide you about the ways of life. This will probably take the pressure off from your father about having to guide a person who may not agree with him professionally. The second is to stop discussing work at home. The third intervention is to join your father’s hospital only as an equal and not as under him. You may need to go out for a year or two but unless the hierarchy is abolished at work, you may find it difficult to get out of the shadow of your father.