Adolescent ambivalence
I am Ashutosh Sharma, a 42-year-old chartered accountant. My son, Ashish, 14 years old, a student of 9th grade has now began quite a curious change in his life. I know that an adolescent is very unpredictable and always springing surprises. My son is also undergoing those tumultuous changes. I would like to know what are the changes that take place in the mind of an adolescent in this period. I would also wish to know if there is some normalcy or abnormalcy that I should watch out for my son. Please advise.
Of all the periods in human life in which biological drives are beyond question of paramount importance, that of puberty has always attracted most attention. Adolescents are excessively egoistic, regarding themselves as the center of the universe and the sole object of interest, and yet at no time in later life are they capable of so much self-sacrifice and devotion. They form the most passionate love relations, only to break them off as abruptly as they began them. On the one hand they throw themselves enthusiastically into the life of the community, and on the other, they have an overpowering longing for solitude. They oscillate between blind submission to some self-chosen leader and defiant rebellion against any and every authority. They are selfish and materially minded and at the same time full of lofty idealism. They are ascetic but will suddenly plunge into indulgence of the most primitive character. At times their behaviour to other people is rough and inconsiderate, yet they themselves are extremely touchy. Their moods veer between light-hearted optimism and the blackest pessimism. Sometimes they will work with indefatigable enthusiasm and at other times they are sluggish and apathetic. This revolution is simply a sign that the individual has attained to psychic maturity just as the simultaneous physical changes are signs of physical maturity. These changes are of the utmost importance in the development of the individual and that here are the beginning and the root of the capacity for love, and of character as a whole. Aggressive impulses are intensified to the point of complete unruliness, hunger becomes voracity, and the naughtiness of childhood turns into antisocial behavior of adolescence. Habits of cleanliness, laboriously acquired during childhood, give place to pleasure in dirt and disorder, and instead of modesty and sympathy we find brutality and cruelty. Initially, into the beginning of adolescence, there is an apparent improvement from childhood. There is relief that the whole turmoil of boorishness, aggressiveness and perverse behavior has vanished like a nightmare and met with a far more favorable and indulgent judgment, even when it transgresses the limits of social convention. Yet, this spontaneous cure and natural development is largely deceptive. Here the estimate of normality or abnormality of particular desires depends, however, on a standard of values which belongs to adult life and has little to do with the biological changes of adolescence. There are two extremes in which the conflict of adolescence may end. Either the desires, now grown strong may overcome the restrictions, in which case there will be no trace left of the previous character of the individual, and the entrance into adult life will be marked by a riot of uninhibited gratification of desires. Or the restrictions and morals may be victorious, in which case the character of the individual which is all good and compliant will declare itself for good and all. When this happens, the desires of the adolescent are confined within the narrow limits prescribed for the desires of a child. No use can be made of the increased desires and there has to be a constant expenditure on moralistic stances. Apart from the resulting crippling of the desires, the fact that the morals become rigidly fixed is injurious to the individual.
In this fashion, there are various changes that take place in an adolescent. However, there is surely a line that one draws about normalcy and abnormalcy about an adolescent. If the child is doing things much deviant from other students or classmates; or deviant from other adolescents of the family and social strata, it is surely a cause for concern. The continuation of harmful or antisocial activities beyond mere experimentation is also a cause of concern. Withdrawal from fulfillment of desires and complete asceticism for more than 2-4 weeks at a time may also be a worrisome factor. Apart from these, there are few causes to take notice and bring action.
