Marital Discord
Marriages are made in heaven and lived in hell.
Vikram, a 30-year-old pharmaceutical manager, and Richa, 28, a software programmer, have been fighting bitterly every day for the past year. The conflict escalated when Vikram threatened violence and Richa started considering divorce after just two years of marriage. They are now living under the same roof but have not spoken to each other for a month.
Vikram feels that Richa has become a burden and that he gets no pleasure from his marriage. He believes she does not care for him or do enough for him. On the other hand, Richa feels that Vikram is unrelenting in his demands, making it difficult for her to adjust.
Causes of Marital Conflicts
Today, more and more marital conflicts are surfacing. Several factors contribute to these disputes:
- Miscommunication between partners
- Methods of resolving conflicts
- Attitudes toward childbearing and child-rearing
- Relationships with in-laws
- Social life and finances
- Sexual interaction
Adjustment to marital roles can also be a challenge, especially when partners come from different backgrounds and value systems. In some cases, marriages remain unconsummated for years due to:
- Lack of sexual awareness
- Pressure from parents
- Over-dependence on primary families
- Religious orthodoxy
- Distorted beliefs about sexuality
Quarrels at home affect not just the couple but also their entire families. The changing roles of men and women have further intensified conflicts.
Women today have a better self-image and no longer accept a dependent or subjugated status. However, many men resist giving up their dominant position. With women contributing financially, the economic burden on men has eased, but they are now expected to be more nurturing and involved in household duties. This shift has eroded male authority and increased stress in marriages.
Yet, making a marriage work does not require much—just a few mindful efforts.
What You as Richa Can Do
The happiness of a marriage depends on both partners. The first step is to find happiness within yourself, as it will be difficult to make your husband happy otherwise.
- Enjoy your household chores, work, and family. Every husband likes to be pampered, even if he pretends otherwise.
- Do small things for him to make him feel loved and cared for. Small acts of kindness accumulate over time.
- Prevent small conflicts from escalating. Address issues early before they grow into bigger problems.
- Respect his parents. A husband values his parents deeply, and showing them respect is crucial.
- Trust your husband. Confidence in him will encourage him rather than make him feel nagged.
- Be his partner in his dreams. Support his aspirations instead of resisting them.
- Communicate effectively. Talk intelligently and listen with patience.
- Appreciate his gestures. Avoid dismissing his efforts as insignificant.
- Give him space after work. Refrain from complaining to him for at least an hour after he gets home.
- Help him relax. Encourage a balance between work and family life.
- Support him emotionally. Help him navigate his fears and doubts.
- Solve small issues on your own. Don’t burden him with every minor difficulty.
- Avoid unnecessary temptations. Needs can be met; greed cannot.
- Reflect on your relationship weekly. Sit down every Sunday morning to evaluate the past week. This can help resolve differences before they escalate.
- Forgive and move on. To err is human, and so is forgiving.
- Avoid comparisons. Do not compare your husband to others, as this will only make him defensive.
- Address problems calmly. If your husband has a flaw, find a solution rather than complain about it.
- Encourage honesty. Support him in being truthful, even if it means fewer luxuries.
- Give and receive feedback. Open communication can help improve your marriage.
- Support him in overcoming bad habits. Whether it’s smoking, drinking, or overeating, help him make healthier choices without nagging.
- Restore his dignity and self-confidence. Encouragement works better than criticism.
Above all, remember this golden rule:
💡 A good wife kills the mosquitoes herself and asks her husband only to kill the tigers.
