Saturday 21-08-2021 – The working mother

I am Sonali, 39 years old and my husband Pranav is 42 years old. We have been married for 16 years now. I have 2 children aged 15 and 13 years. We live in a joint family with my in-laws and younger brother-in-law. I have started to work in a multinational credit card company where I used to work prior to my marriage. My husband thinks that I am not able to manage both the house and the office. He accuses of neglecting my children. He has asked me to leave my job saying he earns enough in his business. I have tried to explain to him that it is not only money but also a question of my career. What should I do?

Today more and more women are working and that includes a number of mothers also. This is not an easy situation for most people. The husband is not comfortable with the idea of a working wife and more so a working mother. He is more interested in her abilities to keep the house and be skilled on the domestic front. Even if a working wife is accepted, it is more of stereotyped careers like teachers. A demanding, competitive field like management or finance is less acceptable. These careers have a workload that is sometimes heavy. The husband may not like other people to take care of the children when the mother is out to work. Normally the children are quick to adapt to the alternate caretaker. This problem may sort out but it hits at the marital relationship. Under no circumstance, should any working mother apologize for her working status? There is no need for you to feel guilty at any point of time. If you are guilt-ridden, you will not be able to do very much that is positive. If you are happy working, there are more chances that you can give happiness to your children. To feel guilty would be a sad state of affairs. If you are working without the full-hearted support of your husband, there will be a criticism whenever there is a lapse on the domestic front. In order to counteract that, you will probably go overboard to do your duties and to please your husband. Often the problems concerning your children- be it academic or otherwise often land the blame on the doorstep of your working status. Sometimes the children too pull the sympathy chord. They may whine and whimper that you are not around often enough and these accusations may make you feel extremely guilty. You may actually start believing that things could be better if you are not working. To compensate, you may end up doing some of the very things that you should not be doing like being indulgent and deliberately being less critical of them or showering them with expensive gifts or parting with money easily. Much of this is generated by societal expectations. When you are not around, you are criticized for neglecting your maternal duties and duties towards home.